The BIG NEWS is that Jeannie and I finished the first draft of the NMNW Training Manual! Hurrah!!! it is an amazing piece of work and I can’t wait to get it out there in the world where it can really do some good! Writing this kind of material really isn’t conducive to blogging. The last thing I want to do at the end of the day is more writing. So I’m just taking a break while I finish the curriculum and manual.

In the meantime my daughter wrote an essay for her psych class that I thought I would share. It’s such a feminist manifesto that I have to share it with you. I feel the torch has been passed!
Enjoy~

Karen Sinclair
6/9/11
Psychology 4°

Observing Disney
On the news, there are always stories about how video games might be influencing children to become more violent, but there are only a few stories about how the media might be influencing children’s behavior on a less noticeable scale. The media often represents what is approved by society at that time. Children watch films and learn how to act appropriately by observation. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Mulan are both films from Disney, but are from different decades. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs represents the “50’s” when the place of women was at the home. Mulan represents the “90’s”, a decade where the boundaries of men and women are questioned. These two Disney films properly portray the gender roles of their decade as well as enhance the gender roles for children.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is a classic fairy tale. There is the beautiful princess who makes her stepmother jealous just with her presence. After some horrible tragedy, in this case a coma from a poisoned apple, the princess is kissed by her true love and lives happily ever after. Not only is this story in a classic fairytale format, it also represents a classic age of women. Just like the female icon of the fifties, Snow White has no problem being the stay-at-home motherly type. Not only does she love to clean and cook, she also talks to everyone like they are children. She is the epitomy of passive. She is gentle, weak, an easy fainter, and never fights back or complains. As seen in the scene where Snow White first meets the prince, she even has a little bird communicate for her while she hides behind a curtain. Ideally, women of the fifties were basically trapped inside of the house. They were not allowed to go to work or have any form of life outside of the family.
Mulan shows the results of the feminism movement. It is unlike any Disney film before it. To begin with, it was a film based off a Chinese fairytale, which already broke the classic Disney mold. Secondly, it’s a story about a girl who doesn’t fit into the traditional Chinese social clock for women. She isn’t able to adopt the traditional attitudes of women, such as being quiet and obedient. Instead she proves she can bring honor to the family without conforming to the laws of society. Mulan’s story represents the 90’s in the sense that it showed the continued blurring of gender roles that had started in the 60’s. Unlike the 50’s, the 90’s didn’t have such constricting gender roles. Girls were wearing pants, showing off their skin, and doing sports just like the men. Mulan breaks this gender border in her village by joining a male only army and dressing up as a man. She proves that women can do just as well as men, if not better, in the scene where she is the first person to climb the pole in order to retrieve the arrow.
By creating role models for women in that particular time period, Disney both reflects and influences the audience’s behavior. As seen through the gender schema theory, children learn through observing both role models and their own culture. This theory believes that when children watch films like the two Disney films, they are actually absorbing ideas of what it means to be a particular gender. They are using the films to expand their schemas of the roles of men and women. For example, this theory would say that by making Snow White speak in soft tones and act motherly would encourage girls to mimic Snow White because they believe that is how women are supposed to act.
The psychological change of the films between 1950 and 1998 not only reflect the roles of the women at the time, but they also show children how they are supposed to act. Even though the time difference is only 40 years, the change between Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Mulan is drastically different. The film Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs wasn’t very entertaining because the film was so restricting. The character couldn’t have any flaws and couldn’t do anything to help herself. By making the role of the main character restricted, the film trapped itself in its limitations. Mulan on the other hand accepts her flaws at the very beginning and tries to fix it. The film explores many different gender aspects that the 1950s film would never do, like cross-dressing. Expanding the gender roles of women made the films much more interesting and diverse. It also made the children watching it become more open-minded about what it means to be a girl. Where as one film encourages children to fit in, the other more exciting film encourages children to actually be themselves.

Just thought I’d add a few quotes about self care before I sign off on this topic. I can honestly say that I vastly underestimated the importance of self care prior to having to write about it. It comforts me when I read about others who have considered this issue from their own personal experiences with it.

“I had to hit burnout more than once before I understood the wisdom of balance- of coming back to my center for rejuvenation. For me, that now comes once a week on Sundays, when I clear both my schedule and my head to regather myself. If you neglect to charge a battery it dies. And if you run full-speed ahead without stopping for water, you lose momentum to finish the race.”
- Oprah

“I have this job that I love, but I’m also like, When can I go home? In a way, that’s good, because otherwise I’d never go home. I would just kill myself doing this show.”
- Tina Fey

“After I had Malia I began to prioritize exercise because I realized that my happiness is tied to how I feel about myself. I want my girls to see a mother who takes care of herself, even if that means I have to get up at four thirty so I can do a workout.”
- Michelle Obama, First Lady

Wow, check this out! Thanks to Joanne and Anne for posting this link on Facebook. I simply can’t believe my eyes! How affirming. How beautiful is the design of this booklet? Gorgeous – and can you believe this thing is over 100 pages? I can, because that’s what it takes to talk about it all I guess. I’m on page 49, the heart of the matter.

I just spoke with a journalist and a TV producer about self care in times of an economic downturn – unbelievable what happens during foreign gigs that are done back to back because you’re afraid to turn anything down.

Here’s the link. More later.
http://files.creaworld.org/files/self-care-brochure.pdf

Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

I wish you all love, peace and happiness today and everyday!

Self Care, FINALLY!

I’m aging. I can’t help it. I’m getting older and I’m doing old people things. I paid my first dues to AARP. I put on 3 pounds that I can’t get rid of. I have aches and pains and all kinds of minor- but annoying – age related maladies. I can barely make it to 10 pm sometimes – I fall asleep on the couch. I see my reflection suddenly somewhere and I’m shocked at how old I look. I can’t wear certain clothes anymore – they look ridiculous cuz I’m too old!

I consider the alternative… and keep plugging away. I think of Jack LaLane and find hope. I work out more, eat better. I do everything I’m supposed to do. I go visit awfulplasticsurgery.com and look at what happens to people who refuse to age. There is a whole army of women out there who look like replicants- (see Blade Runner.)

When I get tired and think what the heck am I doing trying to change the world at my age I think of this Irish woman I met in Nairobi. She was 69 and retiring from her non profit job to move to Kibera and live there with her husband to help raise and support orphans.
Kibera is Africa’s biggest slum (see Constant Gardener) and she’s going to move there… with her husband. This old white granny woman… totally fierce. I think she took the orphan situation personally. The fight in her was tremendous – everything about her said “I won’t back down.” Hasn’t she ever heard of menopause?

So I take my hormone supplements, exercise and eat right. But as you can see from my last blog that just wasn’t enough. I had to sloooooowwwww way down, work less, rest more, see friends, read and never work on weekends. In short, self care to the max.
And you know- it’s made all the difference in the world. When I work now I’m focused. I get help when I need to. I get up every work day, go into my office and do everything I can to build a sustainable, global self defense franchise for women. Step by step, piece by piece, me and my two consultants build the business.
Two weeks ago I saw a movie called Che starring Benicio del Toro. In the film a reporter asks Che what is the most important part of a revolution. I’m stunned when he says “Love.” He said you have to love the people you are fighting for.

How can you really, truly do that if you don’t love and care for yourself? I’ve been on both sides of this issue now. Doing service with self care and doing service without. What I’ve found is that my kindness towards myself runs beyond my own borders. There is more for my kids, my husband, my friends, my whole world.

I think I can write that section now.

Ok, so you have to read yesterdays blog to get this one.

As I said, I’m on break right now but I decided to do some writing on an Operations Manual for NMNW. I know I’m not supposed to be working but I figure a half hour won’t kill me. So I get to the section I’m supposed to work on next and find it’s titled “Self Care for Self Defense Instructors.” Ha ha. Very funny.

Here’s the story;
Gandhi was visited by a very worried mother. She had an elementary-age boy who would eat large amounts of candy and sweets whenever his mother was not looking. She would hide the candy but the boy would find it and even get candy from relatives and neighbors. He would not listen when his mother told him how bad the candy was for him, how it would destroy his teeth and his health. Finally in desperation, she thought of taking him to see the famous Mahatma Gandhi.

As the mother and boy were leaving the room, the mother turned back with a question that was bothering her. “Mr. Gandhi, sir,” she said, “why did I need to wait again in that long line a second time? Why did you not tell my son to stop eating candy two weeks ago?”Gandhi looked up at the woman and said with a twinkle of wisdom in his eye, “Lady, it took me that long to stop eating candy myself.”

Timing is everything isn’t it?
Needless to say, I’ll get back to ya about that Self Care section in a coupla weeks.

God moves in mysterious ways and I’ll be danged if I can figure it out sometimes. For the past 2 years the challenges have come fast and furious and all the while I thought “Let’s try something new. Let’s keep marching.
Let’s not even take the boots off. Let’s keep up the momentum and see what happens.”
Ouch.
I lost sight of self care, never a good idea. I did things I thought were very important but as usual it cost me. There’s that saying about women wanting it all – marriage, kids, a career. It’s my opinion that yes, we can have it all – but – it’ll cost ya.
Deep in our hearts we all know something’s gotta give and some of us can map it out and be very strategic about the trade offs. Others, like me, just wing it, believing that if I stop to analyze I’ll end up in paralysis.

So now, here I sit… in something similar to paralysis. I’ve been stopped. Boots off.
Looking back, looking forward and trying my best to relax. To be here, right now with big puffy rain clouds drifting by and my little dog at my elbow sleeping. It’s so quiet. The house is empty. Why make trouble?
Everything really is ok, everything good takes time – if the universe wanted me to be doing otherwise I’m sure I would be. It’s these down times, these empty spaces between my big deal events that probably make every other thing in my life possible anyway.

Well, it’s true. Just as I suspected summer came and my blogging capacity went kaput! I’m back now and here’s a snapshot of the activities my blog had to compete with for time and attention;

- My husband and kids left for a 2 month tour of Europe and Eastern Europe. Packing? You can’t imagine…
- I traveled to the NWMAF July summer SD conference and learned some amazing new strategies and philosophies. Thanks Linda, Clara, Joy, Nadia, Katy and Kate. AWESOME!
- I went back to my home town and met up with my sister who hadn’t been back home in 13 years. Talk about memory lane. Maybe even some Trauma lane!
-Then I met face to face with Lou my curriculum partner in Boston. We’ve been strategizing for a couple of years online and on the phone but we finally met up at the Moose Cafe! We worked like blazes and got a great deal done with our computers side by side for hours~
-Then my husband flew in by surprise from Poland and started talking to me one morning through my bedroom window. TOTALLY freaked me out – in a good way! I could NOT believe my eyes!!!
-Then Daisy got sick suddenly and died. That was so unexpected – so painful. Daisy did not have a good death. She suffered a great deal in her last days and it is still so difficult to think about – it rattles me to my core. Jake brought her body home in his backpack – through the security line at the airport. We were SO scared they would take her away! I’m so grateful she is here with us. She is wearing her little red jacket with the black velvet collar. I miss her so. I got home finally. Sad and completely isolated in this private altitude of grief.
- Got a job offer to teach self defense globally!!  I had a choice to make – Global or USA. I did some footwork and left the results to God – totally open to either path.  Soon the the way was clear – the global work took on a life of it’s own. (More on that later.)
-Then I met Eva, a little woods creature of a dog. She’s about 10 years old. Got her from a senior dog rescue; www.muttville.org Oh boy did we need each other. You can see a photo of her on Muttvilles website under the name “Lindsey”
- Finished my curriculums!!!!  Working on the Training Manuals that go with them. This is such fascinating work and I have some travel lined up that will put me back in direct contact with the communities I’ll be serving. I can teach what I know and learn what the community knows. Together we can create something that addresses the needs of our clients.                                  Yes!

I’m enjoying everything that is coming my way. It all has so much meaning to me.

Everybody who has helped me get through the past year – THANK YOU!
That’s 4 deaths and quite a few other types of challenges.

Ok, that’s my report for now! I’ve been wanting to write for so long I just seized the moment.
Best wishes to everyone ~ have a lovely summer.

On March 15th I wrote a blog at this site called the Unknown Survivor. In it I was wishing I could find the woman I had read about in the press who had survived an assault from Chelsea King’s alleged murderer John Gardner. I wanted to learn who she was and how she did it.

Lo and behold Reva of www.girlempowerselfdefense.com wrote me recently and on her website I found a link to a Larry King interview with the unknown survivor! Her name is Candace Moncayo and sure enough she believes she escaped Gardner because she fought back!

Hear her amazing story at; www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/bestoftv/2010/03/16/lkl.attack.story.cnn.html

Everything is beginning to come together now. I can see a pinpoint of light at the end of all these activities. We continue to build one thing upon another and the global infrastructure takes shape inside the local one. It’s funny that we have a building going up in back of my house because I get to watch the new foundation being laid and that is so much of what we do here day in and day out, lay the foundation for a much larger vision.

I am finally the tortoise, slow and steady. Research, the curriculum, the people involved internationally, the time lines, everyday we’re a little bit closer to having a workable, sustainable safety skills franchise for the women and children of this world. I hope I never get over the belief that it’s a sin that we don’t have one already. In that way, this can’t happen fast enough for me…. But that’s just not the way this it’s going to be.

As for the hare in this story – been there, done that.